And then there’s you.
1. The Overachiever
Defining Traits: This person is president, chair, captain, or founder of every club they’re in. And they’re in 16 clubs.
You’re Friends Because: Being around them is like being around a human pep talk. They make you want to step up your game.
Catchphrase: “Sorry, gotta run to a meeting.”
2. The Genuine Academic
Defining Traits: They have read more books than you’ve seen in your whole life… Not because it’s assigned, but because they’re interested in the world.
You’re Friends Because: Let’s be real. Without them around to explain things to you, you’d be an idiot.
Catchphrase: “Yeah, The Atlantic had a story about it last month.”
3. The Musical Theatre Kid
Defining Traits: The only thing more overwhelming than their incredible Broadway-caliber talent is their incessant Facebook invites.
You’re Friends Because: Interacting with this person is like being hit by a ball of positive energy and sunshine and song.
Catchphrase: “Get tickets now, they’re selling out fast!”
4. The Wall Streeter
Defining Traits: Usually spotted power-walking to or from somewhere, carrying a resume folder, wearing a suit. Can smooth-talk anyone into anything.
You’re Friends Because: This person is a truly inspiring embodiment of the “work hard, play hard” life philosophy. Best companion for all-nighters.
Catchphrase: “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”
5. The Party
Defining Traits: This person isn’t the partygoer, or the party planner, or even the life of the party. They literally ARE the party.
You’re Friends Because: They’re in an exclusive relationship with debauchery. You love fun. They are fun. Your wildest nights are with this person.
Catchphrase: “Who cares if it’s illegal?”
6. The Start-Up Whiz.
Defining Traits: They have a different genius business idea every week. Swear they thought of Twitter before Twitter thought of Twitter.
You’re Friends Because: It’s nice to see someone so genuinely excited about making life easier. And you never know when they’ll drop out.
Catchphrase: “The next big thing.”
7. The A Cappella Star
Defining Traits: Favorite movie = Pitch Perfect. Favorite pastime = harmonizing. Favorite use of social media = inviting you to concerts.
You’re Friends Because: You’ve always dreamt of having a soundtrack to your life. And it’s nice to be serenaded.
Catchphrase: “Dooo-wop-di-doop-doooo.”
8. The English Major
Defining Traits: Uncontrollable instinct to correct your grammar, speaks half in literary quotations, has etched a couplet into their desk at some point.
You’re Friends Because: You need someone to proofread your papers… And keep you literate.
Catchphrase: “The book is so much better, you guys.”
9. The Film Kid
The CW
Defining Traits: Always inviting you to script readings, auditions, sets, and screenings. Broke because they spent all their money on a new lens. Saving up to move to L.A.
You’re Friends Because: You get to be an extra in all sorts of crazy projects.
Catchphrase: “Do you know any good boom ops?”
10. The Dealer
Defining Traits: Running a small business out of their dorm room, frenemies with the RA, best friends with the film kid.
You’re Friends Because: I meeeean…
Catchphrase: “How much you want?”
11. The Hot Mess Express
Defining Traits: Always hot off a breakup, always texting someone they shouldn’t be texting, always making questionable decisions.
You’re Friends Because: You were there once. And they keep you young.
Catchphrase: “Why does this shit keep happening to me?”
12. The Athlete
Defining Traits: They’re two different people depending on whether or not their sport is in season. Disciplined as all hell. Sweatpant chic.
You’re Friends Because: Their perfect and able body motivates you to put down the Cheetos and pick up the dumbbells.
Catchphrase: “Sorry, man, gotta run to practice.”
13. The RA
Defining Traits: Usually in sweats, asking you to come to a floor event, and begrudgingly, reluctantly, inadvertently getting people in trouble.
You’re Friends Because: OK, despite all that other stuff, this person is super responsible and safe and comforting to have around.
Catchphrase: “There’ll be free food, guys!”
14. The Social Justice Academic
Defining Traits: Great at identifying oppressive constructs, paradigms, and norms. Great at explaining what all of those words mean.
You’re Friends Because: Every moment you spend with them, you become a slightly better person.
Catchphrase: “That’s a little problematic…”
15. The Activist
Defining Traits: Friends with No. 14 even though they butt heads sometimes. Short-tempered but well-meaning. Expert at raising hell.
You’re Friends Because: You like knowing where the coolest protests, counter-protests, and counter-counter-protests are going down.
Catchphrase: “Fuck the police.”
16. The Slacker Genius
Defining Traits: They go out more than you and get better grades than you. You’ve never witnessed them doing homework, but the homework is always done.
You’re Friends Because: We all need heroes.
Catchphrase: “Wanna get high?”
17. The Alternative Friend
Defining Traits: Cooler clothes than you, cooler musical taste than you, cooler hobbies than you, cooler parties than you, cooler weekend plans than you.
You’re Friends Because: Refer to “Defining Traits.”
Catchphrase: “I’m not a hipster, man.”
18. The Cool International Kid
Defining Traits: Lots of scarves, probably a hint of a cool accent, jet-lagged for the first half of every semester.
You’re Friends Because: Worldliness and culture rub off, right? Well, you can always live vicariously through their stories.
Catchphrase: “Well, when I was in [insert exotic country here]…”
19. The Comedian
Defining Traits: Member of at least one improv group. Always doing stand-up at bars. MC of every major campus event.
You’re Friends Because: You like laughter and you like happiness and those are things this person provides.
Catchphrase: “So a guy walked into a bar…”
20. The Environment Nut
Defining Traits: Basically in a relationship with planet Earth, majoring in Sustainable Development, only wears green.
You’re Friends Because: You loved Captain Planet as a kid and they’re basically Captain Planet for grown-ups.
Catchphrase: “You’re gonna recycle that, right?”
21. The Francophile
Defining Traits: Totally inexplicable French accent (seeing as they’re from L.A.), incorrigible cigarette habit, watch strictly black & white movies.
You’re Friends Because: Their coolness gives you something to aspire to.
Catchphrase: “Oh, you haven’t heard of it? It’s big in France.”
22. The Internet Savvy
Defining Traits: Live-tweeting expert. Everything on their Facebook gets over 50 likes. Use hashtags and abbreviations IRL. Higher Klout score than you.
You’re Friends Because: You need someone to text asking what “IRL” and “Klout” mean.
Catchphrase: “Omg, one sec, I wanna Instagram this really quick.”
23. The Studio Art Major
Defining Traits: Out of commission for several hours at a time because they’re in the studio. Stare at your face with uncomfortable intensity.
You’re Friends Because: It’s kinda cool knowing someone who can create things out of nothing.
Catchphrase: “It isn’t done yet, but what do you think?”
24. The Couple
Defining Traits: Met during fall of freshman year, attached at the hip ever since. Everyone jokes about them getting married soon…but it’s not a joke.
You’re Friends Because: As much as you envy and loathe them, it’s nice to be reminded that true love exists. Also they’re adorable.
Catchphrase: “Yup, we should be able to make it!”
25. The Socialite
Defining Traits: Nobody knows why or how they know this person but literally everybody knows this person. BFFs with the bouncer at the campus bar.
You’re Friends Because: I mean, who knows? But they’re super nice and you don’t mind it so…
Catchphrase: “Oh my god, it is SO good to see you!”
