From Casual Fun To Blacking Out: The Stages Of Your Drunken Night Out

The clock hits 5 p.m. on Friday and your mind is completely out of work mode. Honestly, your brain probably checked out around 3 p.m. upon the arrival of the mass influx of texts asking what the evening game plan is going to be.

Your thoughts immediately drift to what you’re going to wear, what you’re going to drink and who you are going to go out with. Finally it’s the weekend — that little thing that has been motivating you throughout the entire workweek.

Now is the time to put the week’s worth of stress behind you as you embark on a drunken journey that will take place over the course of 72 hours. After work, you hit the liquor store then head home in preparation for the evening’s festivities. What does the night have in store for you? Who knows — but you can’t wait to find out…

These are the stages of your drunken night out:

Sober

This is the transition phase of the night when you are heading from your apartment to the pregame. Chances are you are running late either accidentally or on purpose, as everyone knows it’s like the rules of socialism to show up late or something of that nature. You have your game face on and are ready for whatever the night will bring.

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Buzzed

Okay, so you’ve had your first few sips of alcohol for the night and you’re feeling it. You’ve loosened up a little and the conversation is flowing more easily than ever. All the insecurities you brought into the night are slowly fading away as you get more comfortable with your surroundings. Next step? Bring on the shots.

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Tipsy

Well, you’re 8 shots deep and are more than feeling the effects. This is the point when you decide what kind of night you want to have: you can maintain this level or keep on going — obviously you choose the latter because who only wants to be tipsy at the bar? Ain’t nobody got the money for that.

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Drunk

You are having the time of your life with your friends — dancing on tables and any other elevated surface in sight. This is the peak of the night when everyone is getting along without a care in the world. No one is concerned with anything except partying and having a good time. Question of the hour: do I take more shots and risk a blackout or chill out in a drunken stupor?

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Wasted

Do I take this tequila shot or not? You’re already hammered at this point and you know that extra shot is going to throw you over the edge, but your friend just bought a round and how can you resist a free shot? I mean it’s just rude, right? WRONG. If you are questioning that last shot, play it safe and don’t take it.

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Blackout

Well, obviously you took that extra shot and at this point you have no idea where the F you are — you could be in a random person’s bed or eating a pie of pizza at Artichoke. WHO KNOWS? You sure as hell don’t because your brain essentially stopped functioning over an hour ago. This is truly an out of body experience except that you are still held accountable for your actions. Better be careful as this is the point of the night when your future regrets are sure to take place.

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Hungover

It’s 7 a.m. and you wake up with a pounding headache because everyone knows the more you drink, the earlier you wake up. You can’t even consider what you just experienced sleep — it’s more like you wake up when the alcohol has dissipated enough from your system for you to regain consciousness.

It literally feels as if a train is hitting you over and over and there’s no stopping it. As you reach for your bowl to ease the ever so present aches and pain, you try to piece together your behavior from the previous night. You attempt, and fail, as you try to gather your dignity off your bedroom floor.

Credit: ASHLEY FERN

Vitamin B? Why beer is good for your health

When it comes to beer, "light" refers to both the percent of alcohol and calories.

I do likes me a cold one on a hot summer day, and a fall ball game just isn't the same without an ale in my hand. Fear of the great beer belly has kept suds out of the refrigerators and hands of beer enthusiasts all over the land, but is it possible that one of America's favorite beverages has gotten an undeserved bad rap?

After all, beer is created from just four basic ingredients: water, barley, hops and yeast. The result of these ingredients dancing together is alcohol and CO2. That's a combo that goes down easy, and there are so many ways to blend the brew that you're sure to find an ale, stout, lager or amber that is just right for you.

The dirty deets

Your doc may have told you that drinking alcohol in moderation is good for your health, but usually wine gets all the cred for the antioxidant benefits. Truth be told, beer and wine contain the same amount of antioxidants. There are some other things you should know:

• The protein and B-vitamin content of beer is higher than wine. Yeah, going for a brewski after a rousing game of touch football with your work team will help you replenish your protein better than a glass of chardonnay. But here's a buzzkill: Even though beer is a good source of B vitamins, the alcohol in it mostly cancels out those benefits.

• Beer offers anywhere from 95 to 360 calories in a 12-ounce serving, with the average bottle of beer in the 150-calorie range. A five-ounce glass of wine will run you about 120 calories. Sometimes the light beer is a better calorie choice than the wine. Since the FDA doesn't require calories to be on the label, do the homework and math on your favorite beer to know where it should be in your beverage lineup, because those calories do find a way to linger. (Call it a beer belly, call it a muffin top; you just don't want to find one circlin' your middle.)

• One to two beers a day is good for your bones. Brew containssilicon, which is in very few foods and is linked to bone strength and health. Now that's something to consider before going for your next bone-density scan.

• Think light in color equals light in calories? Not always the case. "Light" actually refers to the percent of alcohol and calories. Higher-alcohol beers have more calories, so if you're watching your weight, a Guinness is actually about the same as a Bud.

How to chow down

You get up to one (femmes) or two (dudes) alcoholic beverages a day, according to the Centers for Disease Control. When it comes to suds, that means a 12-ounce bottle or a draught with an inch of head. More than that can tip the health benefits into the health damaging category.

• You want a well-chilled pint glass. Keep it in the freezer for at least a couple of hours so it's all white and frosty and smoky when you pull it out. Tilt the glass and pour a stream of refreshment down the side, standing the glass upright as you get to the end of the pour. This allows for the perfect amount of fluffy bubbles at the top.

• Beer is a great liquid ingredient to add to your soups, marinades and culinary whole-grain masterpieces and can replace broth, stock or plain water. It adds delicate flavor and aroma. The alcohol will cook off, so no need to worry about getting your buddies drunk off your eats.

• If there is leftover beer from your beer-can chicken, beer bread or beer-battered jalapenos, dump it over your head. Seriously, beer is great for restoring life and shine to your hair by nourishing and smoothing strands.

In the know

If you had begrudgingly written off beer, put it back on your roster. Strategically place it into your beverage batting order when you're at a game or looking for refreshment that pairs well with friends and fun. Don't overdo it, though. Too much of this good thing will take you out of your own starting lineup.

Credit: upwave.com